Born on the Siberian frozen tundra of the former U.S.S.R. to a native ice road trucker, the artist known as Confetti was an unusually hairy baby. Although he was raised on stark Soviet beliefs and raw fish, he was quite the free thinker.
At the age of 4, his uncle Leonidas, sent a courageous and vulnerable Confetti, on a hunting trip in the snow and cold to prove his manly hood. Ten months later, he returned home with 5 slain Polar Bears, the half eaten carcass of a giant blue whale, and six court orders for child support payments. The town folk rejoiced! The success of the hunting trip confirmed the citizens' belief that Confetti would become a famous rapper/lyricist.
Although at the time Confetti was just a boy with a 4 year old's mental capacity, his body was well beyond its years. To avoid scaring the other children his mother, Potpourri, would shave his face and forehead for him. His beard was said to have been so thick, that his mother used his face to clean the stove. Legend has it that he looked like a mix between a juiced up Brad Pitt in the movie troy and Kimbo Slice. With such a physique, he was often mistaken for a young Soviet girl.
At the age of 8 and a half, Confetti was arrested by the tyrannical government of the Soviet Union for slander of General Secretary, Konstantin Chernenko, in his hit single, "Chernenko is a Huge Dicktator ". Confetti was relocated to a Moscow prison and received the death sentence. For the first time in his predictable life, he was uncertain about his flourishing rap career. The news of Confetti's arrest circulated throughout the U.S.S.R. like children at the Neverland Ranch. Riots broke out all over the Soviet Republic which led to it's the eventual collapse.
During one such riot, Confetti was able to escape from prison. Amazingly he escaped using one sheet of college ruled notebook paper, a medium sized soup ladle, five pieces of bubble gum, a used toothbrush, and one master prison key.
Confetti then crab walked to the Baltic Sea shoreline, built a plastic dingy with a 75 Hp Johnson outboard engine, and began to cruise to America.
Close to empty on the gas gauge and 5 years older, Confetti arrived in the culturally rich city of Titusville, Florida. Hungry, dazed, and confused, Confetti headed to the nearest Wal-Mart Supercenter to eat cold fried chicken tenders and ranch dressing until he was greasier than a mechanic. Suddenly, Confetti realized that he had almost spent his entire saving, 100,000,000 Soviet Rubles, on fried chicken. Once again, turmoil had jeopardized Confetti's rapping career.
With ludicrous American labor laws, Confetti was out of work for the first time since he was 2. However, the 13 and a half year old rapper/revolutionary found that luck was on his side. With the remaining Rubles in his back shirt pocket, Confetti went to McDonalds and ordered a super sized number 6, extra mayo, no onion, no sesame seeds. When he got his super large drink and super humongous fry, he noticed that McDonalds (for the 6th time) was offering the Monopoly peel-n-stick game. Ironically, Confetti peeled Park Place and Boardwalk, subsequently collecting one million dollars (1 x 10^20 Rubles)!
Fetti realized that his wildest dreams could finally be fulfilled. He packed up his felt boots and beard gel and headed for the place of opportunity, Gainesville, Florida. The town's people of Titusville had always spoken of a man in Gainesville with a passer efficiency rating of over 100 and Confetti had to see it for himself.
The taxi the Confetti flagged down took him on a slightly overpriced detour to Gainesville, leaving him nearly broke after the tip. In G'ville Confetti watched this Wuerffel fellow complete 75% of his passes for 500 yards and 13 touchdowns. After leaving the post game celebration on University Avenue, Confetti stumbled over a boy in the fetal position wearing tap shoes and super cool sunglasses. He was also a 14 year old homeless lyricist/choreographer and sparks flew. The two struggling artists built their very own studio out of cardboard, cinder blocks, lincoln logs, grout, legos, and thousands of dollars worth of music production equipment.
By the age of 15 and a half Confetti and Breadcrumb had already produced two full length albums, only to have them reproduced and stolen by the children singer Raffi and then plagiarized again by Teddy Ruxpin. Both records went double platinum, making "Raffi" and Teddy household names. Things went south for the little known duo of Confetti and Breadcrumb, and the group considered throwing in the yamika.
After several attempts to become a professional thumb wrestler, an unemployed Confetti built a double-wide tree trailer in the woods behind the local Discount Auto Parts and lived amongst the raccoons. Breadcrumb on the other hand taught Tap Dance Dance Revolution classes at a nearby arcade. This was of course after he failed miserably as a topless dancer and elbow model.
Thankfully and coincidentally, at age 18, Fetti and Crumb decided to give it another go around. During an episode of golden girls, the duo saw 3 consecutive commercials for the ITT Technical College of Beat Making and Lyrical Composition, so they decided to enroll. Finally, after 5 hours of intense studying and brainstorming and 6 years of partying Confetti and Breadcrumb are ready to release there 3rd album, 2 G's in a Pod. Also known as the Random Tandem, this boy band hopes to create laughs and pant wettings for college students throughout the seven continents, especially Antarctica. Thanks for reading the lengthy and 97% truthful bio of yours truly, Confetti. "Live long and prosper mane"
At the age of 4, his uncle Leonidas, sent a courageous and vulnerable Confetti, on a hunting trip in the snow and cold to prove his manly hood. Ten months later, he returned home with 5 slain Polar Bears, the half eaten carcass of a giant blue whale, and six court orders for child support payments. The town folk rejoiced! The success of the hunting trip confirmed the citizens' belief that Confetti would become a famous rapper/lyricist.
Although at the time Confetti was just a boy with a 4 year old's mental capacity, his body was well beyond its years. To avoid scaring the other children his mother, Potpourri, would shave his face and forehead for him. His beard was said to have been so thick, that his mother used his face to clean the stove. Legend has it that he looked like a mix between a juiced up Brad Pitt in the movie troy and Kimbo Slice. With such a physique, he was often mistaken for a young Soviet girl.
At the age of 8 and a half, Confetti was arrested by the tyrannical government of the Soviet Union for slander of General Secretary, Konstantin Chernenko, in his hit single, "Chernenko is a Huge Dicktator ". Confetti was relocated to a Moscow prison and received the death sentence. For the first time in his predictable life, he was uncertain about his flourishing rap career. The news of Confetti's arrest circulated throughout the U.S.S.R. like children at the Neverland Ranch. Riots broke out all over the Soviet Republic which led to it's the eventual collapse.
During one such riot, Confetti was able to escape from prison. Amazingly he escaped using one sheet of college ruled notebook paper, a medium sized soup ladle, five pieces of bubble gum, a used toothbrush, and one master prison key.
Confetti then crab walked to the Baltic Sea shoreline, built a plastic dingy with a 75 Hp Johnson outboard engine, and began to cruise to America.
Close to empty on the gas gauge and 5 years older, Confetti arrived in the culturally rich city of Titusville, Florida. Hungry, dazed, and confused, Confetti headed to the nearest Wal-Mart Supercenter to eat cold fried chicken tenders and ranch dressing until he was greasier than a mechanic. Suddenly, Confetti realized that he had almost spent his entire saving, 100,000,000 Soviet Rubles, on fried chicken. Once again, turmoil had jeopardized Confetti's rapping career.
With ludicrous American labor laws, Confetti was out of work for the first time since he was 2. However, the 13 and a half year old rapper/revolutionary found that luck was on his side. With the remaining Rubles in his back shirt pocket, Confetti went to McDonalds and ordered a super sized number 6, extra mayo, no onion, no sesame seeds. When he got his super large drink and super humongous fry, he noticed that McDonalds (for the 6th time) was offering the Monopoly peel-n-stick game. Ironically, Confetti peeled Park Place and Boardwalk, subsequently collecting one million dollars (1 x 10^20 Rubles)!
Fetti realized that his wildest dreams could finally be fulfilled. He packed up his felt boots and beard gel and headed for the place of opportunity, Gainesville, Florida. The town's people of Titusville had always spoken of a man in Gainesville with a passer efficiency rating of over 100 and Confetti had to see it for himself.
The taxi the Confetti flagged down took him on a slightly overpriced detour to Gainesville, leaving him nearly broke after the tip. In G'ville Confetti watched this Wuerffel fellow complete 75% of his passes for 500 yards and 13 touchdowns. After leaving the post game celebration on University Avenue, Confetti stumbled over a boy in the fetal position wearing tap shoes and super cool sunglasses. He was also a 14 year old homeless lyricist/choreographer and sparks flew. The two struggling artists built their very own studio out of cardboard, cinder blocks, lincoln logs, grout, legos, and thousands of dollars worth of music production equipment.
By the age of 15 and a half Confetti and Breadcrumb had already produced two full length albums, only to have them reproduced and stolen by the children singer Raffi and then plagiarized again by Teddy Ruxpin. Both records went double platinum, making "Raffi" and Teddy household names. Things went south for the little known duo of Confetti and Breadcrumb, and the group considered throwing in the yamika.
After several attempts to become a professional thumb wrestler, an unemployed Confetti built a double-wide tree trailer in the woods behind the local Discount Auto Parts and lived amongst the raccoons. Breadcrumb on the other hand taught Tap Dance Dance Revolution classes at a nearby arcade. This was of course after he failed miserably as a topless dancer and elbow model.
Thankfully and coincidentally, at age 18, Fetti and Crumb decided to give it another go around. During an episode of golden girls, the duo saw 3 consecutive commercials for the ITT Technical College of Beat Making and Lyrical Composition, so they decided to enroll. Finally, after 5 hours of intense studying and brainstorming and 6 years of partying Confetti and Breadcrumb are ready to release there 3rd album, 2 G's in a Pod. Also known as the Random Tandem, this boy band hopes to create laughs and pant wettings for college students throughout the seven continents, especially Antarctica. Thanks for reading the lengthy and 97% truthful bio of yours truly, Confetti. "Live long and prosper mane"
